This is for those who feel the unexpected rush of imposter syndrome. Something I wrote in my reverie and after being inundated with “am I good enough?”
The past few days I have felt imposter syndrome crept up in my awareness. It came and went without any warning. Sometimes sweeping me off my feet. Catching me off guard and wondering.
Asking myself - can I do this?
Am I capable of doing what is expected?
And when chance came knocking in by my door I was surprised. I couldn’t bear to open it. Open it wide enough to receive what is being handed to me on a silver plate. When I was called to a task bigger than the shoes I have now, I hesitated. I cringed at the thought of me surrounded by the big leagues. The bigger versions of where, who and what I have been dabbling in.
And I breathe this in.
The hope. The possibility. The opportunity.
And I breathe it out.
The fear. The insecurity. The uncertainty.
And I let myself be connected to my truth. You see I came from a line of women who ruled their worlds.
My grandma was widowed in her 20s.
My mother was separated in her 30s.
Men did not have a big space in our lives. But the women- they are the ones who made things possible. Women who made their destiny. Women who made the most of their fate. Women who are the doers. Women who filled in bigger shoes to give my brother and me opportunities.
Opportunities that they did not have. Opportunities that only their imagination can fathom. Opportunities that they didn’t even see come to life.
Yet they were steadfast in their vision. They were times that life threw curveballs. One after another. And they took them in. Rode the waves. Channeled their inner wonderwomen. Showed the world what they can.
And even though my heart beats faster at the thought of filling in a bigger version of me.
I hold on.
I give space to yirah.
This me inhabiting a bigger field.
I cringe in fear, yet I do it anyway.