Do you have some patterns that keep you from making decisions, taking actions, or exploring possibilities?
Today I reflected on “roadblocks” and what keeps me from leaping. Tara Sophia Mohr describes leaping as,
“an immediate, experimental, simple act – the exact opposite of [an] overplanned, overthought, perfectionist action... A leap stretches you into playing much bigger, right now”.
I look back in my life, where I chose to hide rather than to trust my instincts and leap and there are numerous moments of those times.
As I go through these memories, I tune in deeper using the Personal iceberg model of Virginia Satir:
🤔Behavior: I saw an opportunity that is possible for me and I decided not to pursue it.
🎭Coping: placating. I don’t recognize my own value and question myself “who am I to do this work?” “Why would they want me?”
🥲Feelings: sadness, regret
Feelings about feelings: disappointed with myself for falling prey “yet again” to my patterns
💭Perceptions: underlying all these are thoughts about my own “worthiness” and doubts around my capabilities
💥Expectations: Looking back, this pattern came from the need for reassurance, to be seen as an individual with all my gifts and my strengths. It started with a need for approval from my mom. But I can also trace it longer to her own need for approval from her mom, and my grandmother also from her own parents. It stems from the need for deep attachment and connection where I can be seen for who I am.
♥️Yearning: It connects me to the yearning to heal this from our matriarchal line. Knowing that this pattern did not only start with me, I am also curious how my changes in parenting have shifted this for my kids.
🥰The Self: The Self that shows up for me is the congruence around deep connection and attachment.
How about you, how can you explore a pattern using this model?
Interested to know more about using the personal iceberg model? Download the facilitator toolkit that I created.